I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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