he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
