Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
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