You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
