you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
