I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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