The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I came so hard my ears popped.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
