sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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