I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
