Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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