Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
