My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
