Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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