a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
