If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
