Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
