woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
