Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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