I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
