I think my vagina is haunted
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
No subtext here. People are naked.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
