Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
