Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
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At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
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By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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