It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
