He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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