whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
