Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
