at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
