There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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