She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
