I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
