Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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