We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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