Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
