is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
