I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
