I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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