How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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