Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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