dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
