worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
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She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
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I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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