I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
