The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
