You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
