Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I am midnight drunk by noon
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
