It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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