Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
