Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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