apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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