Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
