u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
