After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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