Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
