omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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