your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
