I've blown a few things in my day
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
