If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
