I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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