i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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