you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
