If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
