He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
