What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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