I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
