how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
