Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
