That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
