He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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