Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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