Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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