She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
