In the future we'll all be gay
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
