sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
