Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
