If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
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My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
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You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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