neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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