JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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