Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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