don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
