Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
