Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?