Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
