I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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