Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
