fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
