that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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