I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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