apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
