problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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