i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
