this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
is that a dick in a sweater?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
