with your own penis?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
