i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
