did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
it hurts more in the daytime
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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