I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Found the puke drawer
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
