College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
